Summer nights of July

Life has consisted of reading the Psalms, Revelation, and love letters written by Jesus.

I’ve been watchin’ a bit of New Girl, building new friendships, and falling more in love with this season in my life.

Several evenings this week I have had the honor of spending quality time with quality people over delicious food and foamy lattes. These conversation have consisted of talking about the faithfulness of God, the beauty of living out singleness well and the honor it brings the Lord. We have discussed testimonies, the redemption of Christ, shared stories and made silly voices. I laughed more this weekend than I have since I arrived.

This week I spent a load of time filling my mind with Kingdom thoughts and Godly truth; I hope my whole life can mirror this week. I hope my growing never stops. I hope to never stop being fascinated by Jesus. I hope to live out this season well.

This week I listened to teachings about William Wilberforce and his dedication to being fascinated by Christ on a daily basis. I decided that this is the type of man I desire to marry. This week I was reminded that a woman should never settle for just not being cheated on and that a man shouldn’t settle for just being freed from sexual addiction.

I have decided that I won’t settle for less than meekness, wisdom, tenderness, restraint, and a self-sacrificial love that is poured out with a prophetic vision for destiny.

I am not one that thinks whole-heartedly-without-a-shadow-of-doubt that one day I will get married-I have no idea. I have decided that I trust the Lord with my future. I have decided that if I do marry I pray that my husband is willing to carve out the optimum condition for my heart to flourish, explode, bloom and blossom. I pray that my husband takes up the challenge to wash me in the word.

“When men fight for her destiny it frees her up to fight for his.” -David Sliker

And if I never marry I know the Lord is enough.

[I usually don’t write posts about things this personal/Christian blog clique but after a week such as this I felt compelled to do so. This is with the hope that somehow my journey encourages others as they walk out their own.]

Dear Kansas City,

I have lived in you for 1 month and 4 days. I have enjoyed your purest coffee shops, your winding highways, peonies, poppies, bakeries, brick buildings and most of all my office space. Thank you for teaching me about independence from comforts and dependence upon Jesus. Thank you for introducing me to genuinely kind souls who call all that you offer home.

I arrived in you with an open mind and deep hopes. My mind has been overwhelmed with my analyzing tendencies and my hopes have been transformed into something more unique. I have fallen in love with my routine of prayer room hours, teaching moments in an office with world changers, and a kitchen that holds the most tasteful possibilities.

The hours of my days are spent primarily with just you and me. Me and Kansas City. Kansas City and I. Together we pursue Jesus. United we fight for freedom. Jointly you and I are venturing into more possibilites than my stale mind can conjure.

KC I think you and I make a great team.

Thank you for teaching me that it is okay to experience beauty alone. Thank you for introducing me to your friends. I can only hope to one day return the favor.

Here’s to more adventures, coffee, and (hopefully) more puppies.

Love,

me

I Lied,

Obviously, I have not stuck with the commitment I made to blog at least twice a week.

So to the few readers I have–please forgive me, I am truly sorry.

What is wrong with me, you ask?

Honestly, it’s because I am busy and usually uninspired and mostly because I feel like what I have to say isn’t important, so I dont type the words that wind up my mind.

Fact: I am about to graduate college and I AM SCARED.

I know I have this amazing internship, but I am equally excited about it as I am scared to experience it. I doubt my creative ability and compare myself to every other creative mind a like that exists in my generation. I doubt my sentence structure, comma placement, and creative ideas because damn (sorry, not sorry) Pinterest made everyone a creative genius.

But today something changed in me, I heard, read, listened again, re-read, and let these beautiful words soak into my skin.

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.” 

-Martha Graham

I have decided that from this day forth, these are the words I am going to live by. No room for doubt or a critical spirit over myself. I will spend the next eight days finishing out this season well, and begin a whole new adventure next Saturday. This next week is not insignificant or secondary, this next week is vital to my story and I will not let it just fade away without taking in each moment, remembering each bed time conversation or late night coffee stop, I will let this week of my season be a part of what defines me.

Exodus Cry

You might be wondering what I’ll be doing while working with Exodus Cry this Summer so I wanted to give you a short glimpse. Some of my responsibilities include:

  • Monitor and study the communication on the Exodus Cry and Nefarious social networking sites to help the organization maintain an active and relevant presence online. 
  •  Work on specific projects or campaigns that will build relationships with partners, donors, and supports of Exodus Cry
  • Help visually communicate the brand of the organization through photography, graphics, videos, and other visual media mediums.
  • Work on administrative tasks and daily functions in the Marketing and Communication Department. 

I can’t wait to be apart of this team and work alongside such like minded and passionate individuals. While interning in the Communications and Marketing department I will be mentored by people doing exactly what I want to do myself. Communications plays such a vital role in the building of non-profits and I can’t wait to learn how they run their department, even just for 3 months. Thankfully KS won’t seem like unfamiliar territory since I was also there last summer doing The Circuit Riders School. I’ll also be able to visit the YWAM Kansas City base and a spend time with a few of my close friends as they will be living in town. While working in KS I’ll also be able to go to the IHOP Prayer Room everyday with my team—I love that this is a requirement. There are lots more details to come your way and an exciting project happening next week over Spring Break with Alyssa Shrock Photography. I’m not spilling all the beans though so be patient.

I can’t wait to share more details soon.

hello,

Time to update everyone on the details of the internship story…

Many of you know I was planning on interning with Sex+Money this coming summer and make a commitment to working alongside them for 2 years. Well that planned changed, drastically. The specific project I was going to be working on with the team is being postponed and therefore there is no need for a full-time intern, so there in lies the reason I needed the Lord to give me a new plan.

So after one day of sobbing, staying in bed and eating a tab too much chocolate, I started the morning with a fresh perspective and ready and willing to change my plans to the Lords perfect plan—I knew he had me in the palm of his hand.

Thankfully Morgan Perry—producer of Sex+Money—was kind enough to send out a few introductory emails out on my behalf to some other non-profit sex-trafficking awareness organizations. As the emails flew around the interweb I prayed the Lord would clearly show me the next step he wanted me to take. So as the emails came in, interviews were given and writing was read…I just went with it.

On January 31st I received an email letting me know I was granted the opportunity to intern with IHOP’s Exodus Cry in Kansas City, Missouri.

I’m sure some of you are aware that Exodus Cry produced the movie Nefarious: Merchant of Souls. This film focuses on the hard facts of the lives women lead when they are trapped in the cycles of prostitution and sex-trafficking. I encourage you to see this film if you haven’t yet. You can purchase it at exoduscry.com or you can contact me to borrow my copy. I want as many people as possible to be filled with the knowledge of the perversion that the sex-industry has brought to our nation and those surrounding. This is why this injustice is so dear to my heart. I am passionate about purity, I am passionate and freedom and I want to see each person, men and women, freed from sexual perversion and walking in the freedom of Christ.

I look forward to keeping each of you more informed as the plan continues to grow. While the plan is in motion I ask that you partner with me in prayer as I begin this new journey. I will need my friends and family around me as I graduate and start a new season of my calling. I will also be raising support for the three months I will be volunteering and will keep each of you up to date as I receive new information.

Let’s be steadfast as we pursue the Lord together for what is next in each of our lives.

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33

Hillsong: Zion

Some of you might have listened to the new Hillsong United album Zion in the past few days since it was on iTunes to listen for free but today is the day that it came out! I have been listening to the free release non-stop and I have been anticipated today for quite sometime.
Thus far my very favorite song on the album is Oceans, (Where Feet May Fail). Every time I listen I can’t help but journal down a few sentences or a few pages of how the Lord is calling me to trust him.

“Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, that my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” 

The lyrics of this song challenge my heart so much. I wonder if I’m trusting the Lord enough? Are there more areas of my life that I could surrender? I ask myself so many questions and I’m reminded of how faithful my God is. Everyday He pulls out his hand, asking that I would grab hold of it and follow Him. So everyday I wake up and I hold fast to his sovereign grasp. There are days where I know where He is leading me and others where I am purely following by faith in His character. When the tides roll in and the waves feel like they are crashing around me I know where my heart will be steady. I am constantly learning to be more open to the areas in which I can trust The Lord more. There are a few and I believe the list is always constant, it doesn’t really fade away. Today those areas are finances, family and future. Yes–3 F’s–but any who, that’s just that.
He calls us to walk in unknown places and believe that He will carry us through. So everyday I learn more and more about how to trust my most faithful God. As we trust The Lord, our faith grows deeper and our willingness to serve Him becomes greater. We must believe Him when He says that He will guide us and protect us. We must remember that He is always present in our lives. “Our faith is made stronger in the presence of our Savior.”

trust |trəst|- firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something

Blognessfear

Tonight I am deciding to blog more. This class and these assignments are giving me the final push to the edge of the wall to the murky water of blognesssfear. Yes, blognessfear. I’ve got it, and I’ve got a bad case of it.

Writing pages and pages filled with my words comes so much easier to me when it’s pen to paper. My journals hold all my deepest and darkest but today I’m hoping to let some of that seep into here, and maybe you will enjoy a few words or so.

As The Perks of Being a Wallflower plays in the background and freshly popped corn sit next to me on this late night, I’m facing my bloggnessfear.

So to begin this real life venture I’m going to set a few goals. I should probably blog at least twice a week. Yes, this is good. I will be vulnerable, honest and authentic in my writing. I won’t let the fear of transparency keep me from putting fingers to keys. I’m going to blog about music, documentaries, the nations, life, injustices and all the yummy food that I love. I will share the journey of my life in all its forms. As my life carries me into the nations, into new friendships and wherever I may go I will blog without that darn blognessfear.

To the end of this post and the beginning of sharing more of my story.

grace.

“If the Titanic was made to sink
Then so was my heart
For I made sure it was impenetrable
Oh, what a wretched man I am
Who will save me from this flesh
Paul whispers in my ear,
“Oh, don’t worry my friend …
You’re in good company”
Poets before me have tried
to measure this love
And if 40,000 brothers cannot
with all of their quantity of love
make up this sum
Then how can my heart contain this mass
It would only burst at the seams into
a million tender pieces
So what then
What good is a broken heart to You
Could you even hear my heart from there
And like a father assuring his son
to come home
“Oh my son, it’s enough, it’s enough”
So who am I to accept this grace
that just falls like rain
‘Cause we all know I chose to lay
my head in this desert
But like a fish out of water
We only know then what it means
to be parched
So if Christ is alive, the love,
and the groom
Then take heed my friends
For chivalry is not dead
For I know no other lover who would
have met me here in this place
So I awake and I rise from my bed
of complacency
Oh, my God I’ve been sleeping
with a corpse
Oh, and these bed sores they still
rest in my bones
Oh, how I’ve made a beautiful dance
with this cadaver but my audience
is appalled
Oh, how strong these tendons
How they desperately need to rip
from this ancient Adam
So light up the s_ and
Set me a flame
Burn this bone and tissue
For I no longer want to be
entangled in this sinew
That hinders my reach towards You”

Bellarive, Tendons

Courage.

This past summer taught me many things. I learned how to live outside of unbelief, I pushed through true heart ache and I closed one chapter with a tight seal and began a new chapter of my story. Daily I am thankful for the freedom I have in Christ to live my life. He has given me such joy and purpose. I could very easily think about all the wretched parts of life but instead I am going to hold on to the pure truth of Jesus.

With the summer seal came falls future. As the temperature changes ever so slightly I’ve been reminiscing on last fall happenings and prematurely began to think about all the things in life I am thankful for even before Thanksgiving. I am thankful for loyal edifying friendships, delicious food, hot coffee and encouraging leaders and parents. Thats just a small portion of the blessings I have in life. The list is obviously longer but today thats where my focus will stay.

This semester has brought back the PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte), my quad of Southeastern friends, great classes, Mumford & Sons new album Babel and new possibilities. All of which couple the freedom I have in Christ and the restoration He has brought in my life. Thank you Lord for giving me boldness, courage and dreams that seem impossible. As I chase after what He has for me I pray you run out your own race with diligence. Be fearless and go.

“Courage is knowing His presence is always with you.”