Steadfast.

How is it that the things we once knew disappear? The reality that everything changes will forever keep my mind wandering. 5 years ago, 2 years ago, today. The time goes by and the tide rolls in and then it leaves us once again.

I have been known to have the unrelenting capability of constantly thinking…I do not rest easily. My mind is a constant rolling-pin of information, reality, dreams, past and future. I love to wander, sit and gaze. My heart is forever longing for more and more of life. As I long for more, I have learned that I become weary, I grow tired. My heart, spirit and soul need rest. I have learned in the short life I have lived that I do not have the strength to do it all, or hold it all together, I MUST surrender. I am finite and incapable of being the peace supplier. I admit I do not know how to fully rest, fully trust. I am scared of lifting my hands from it all, I am fearful of surrender.

Despite all of this the steadiness of the Lord keeps me going. He teaches me rest, He shows me His faithfulness and His majestic capability of handling it all. He is so good to me. He is the steadfast wave that supports me. I look to Him and I am reminded that He is always constant, never-failing, forever loving. He is steadfast for me. In the moments I want to give up on it all and just drive myself 100,000,000 miles away, He keeps me constant, He reminds me that He is in my present and HE knows me. Every detail of me is known by the King. When I wallow in the ugliness of worry and fear, He reminds me to look forward, to gaze at Him only and seek Him fervently. There is no need for worry or fear.

When I think I haven’t communicated clearly, or I am doubtful of my decision-making I am reminded that He knows me, He is the supplier of all my needs, He is my protector and I have been asked to rest in the shadow of His wing.

Lord Jesus Thank you for holding me steadfast all the days that I fail, and the moments that I am unsure. Lord thank you for your Restoration and your beautiful hands that hold me. You are the very breath that I need.

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” 

Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.”

Psalm 139:9-16

 
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